Phuc Luu, Ph.D.

Why is it that the things we want most for ourselves are the hardest to begin?

I've written, spoken, taught, and coached writers through resistance many times because it is something I've known personally, and a large barrier not only in writing, but in life in general.

The most important things that we will do for ourselves will be met with the most resistance.

How Resistance Shows Up for Writers

Procrastination - Putting off what we need to be doing to help us move forward.
Distractions - Trying to achieve other goals before working on this one goal.
Perfectionism - Not writing until we've done "all the research," or not wanting to put it out there until we deem it "perfect."

One way to tackle resistance is to talk through these objections and offer tips, like setting yourself up for success by finding the right environment, or writing first and researching second. Even though these techniques are important and you can read about them in something like Atomic Habits, they don't get at the real reason resistance is there, or how to work with it.

Resistance Has a Purpose: To Keep You Safe

The reason we resist walking up to the ledge of a cliff and looking down is not because we are too afraid to do so, but because we have a built-in system to keep us alive. This is how the human species has survived for millions of years. But for some, this system is more sensitive than others, and this is perfectly fine. This just means we have to know how to dial things down when we need to. So resistance work is not about overpowering resistance, but working with it.

Me and my workout/business partner, Kate (Just joking, only Kate looks like that).

Resistance Is Not the Enemy. It Is a Training Partner.

The best way to work through resistance is with resistance. This is because the resistance is not another part of you; it is you. You never want to deny this internal force, but only harness it to do what you need it to do for you. Think of resistance like the weights at the gym. This is why it is called resistance training. The weights aren't bad, but your mind looks at the largest weight there and says there's no way it's going to be able to lift it, and turns around and leaves the gym altogether.

Pressfield advocates having the discipline to write and changing your writing habits. But habits that truly stick are the ones that are compelling and done almost unconsciously. We shower and brush our teeth not because it is a discipline, but because it feels wrong not to do so. This should be the same with wanting to write. Unless the desire to do the work is more compelling than doing the dishes, starting the laundry, and a hundred other smaller obligations, we simply won't make time for it. When writing becomes that kind of compulsion, something you feel pulled toward rather than pushed into, that is when the real work begins.

The point is knowing which weights to lift and how to do it. Every form of resistance is different for everyone and there is no one-size-fits-all approach, but the heart of most resistance is fear. There is something that we want to do but are scared of doing, one way or another, so we procrastinate, give in to distractions, and seek perfectionism.

“Everything good is on the other side of resistance.”

Your Resistance Is Trying to Tell You Something

So, how do we work with the resistance? First, we need to know that our resistance is trying to tell us something about what we need to do. Your resistance is there for a purpose and a reason. It is not something other than you or outside of you, even though it feels that way. Despite how Steven Pressfield calls it "the enemy within" (The War of Art), it is really an ally. It is on your side, but it just feels like it is opposing you because it seems to be blocking you from achieving what you want out of life.

The problem is that resistance feels so massive because you may not yet know exactly what you want from your work. How so, you ask?

Listen to your resistance so that you don't get stuck with a project you don't want at the end.

The Mansion: Why Resistance Is the Contractor, Not the Obstacle

Imagine this scenario. I say to myself I want to build a very large house, a mansion, let's say. I know what I want it to look like in general. I even buy the land and start construction. Midway through the project I encounter so many problems. Plumbers did not follow the plans and electricians mis-wired key areas. The ceiling height is wrong. You would not want to just plow through and get it done. You want a contractor who knows exactly what they are doing to stop things and get them right before moving on to the next phase of construction.

This is what resistance does. It is trying to say, "Wait! Do you know what you are doing? Do you know who your writing is going to affect? Do you know what it is about? Have you thought things all the way through before you begin, or are you just going to plow forward spending months, even years of your life on a project that will never see the light of day?"

So resistance is the expert foreperson who is helping you. It is just that sometimes we haven't spent enough time consulting with it to lay out the details of what we were doing, and so we take the resistance as: Don't do the work. Quit while you're ahead. It's too big a task. This is simply misinterpreting your resistance as rejection, when it simply wants you to slow down a bit.

Listening to Resistance and Coming Back Stronger

I've learned this the hard way by rewriting many introductions or chapters of a book. Resistance is not saying, "No, don't do it," but rather, "Did you think of this? Or why not say it this way? Or maybe take some time to think about this instead." When I look back at those times that I felt resistance and then came back to my work, I fully understood what was happening to me and did better work than before.

Once we listen closely to resistance, then we can work with it to achieve what we want. It can become, in my partner's words, the handy "co-pilot" of the plane instead of the "captain." But resistance is unique to everyone, and this is why one-on-one work is so important. There is not an app or a book that can help you completely with this task. Trust me, I've had to work with someone to help me see this. Now I work with many others to help them see what their resistance is saying to them, and to go through, not around, their perceived resistance barriers.

Try This Before You Write Another Word

A Simple Exercise

Write down all the reasons why you feel stuck in your writing work. Then ask yourself: what belief is my resistance helping me see?

“I don't believe that this book will help anyone.”

Once you have that belief on the page, get curious about it. What does it mean to help someone? Does it mean to fix them entirely, or to improve their lives even ten percent? Because ten percent is a large amount. Who is "anyone"? Is it your mom and dad? Is it your specific readers? Who exactly are you trying to help?

You will often find that the resistance isn't telling you to stop. It is asking you to get more honest about what you are really trying to do and for whom.

No matter what you do, be gentle with yourself and your resistance. You will find that patience and listening to what you really want from your writing will get you where you need to be.

Ready to Work Through Your Manuscript?

If you are deep in this and want a thinking partner who can help you work through it rather than around it, I offer a free 30-minute consult. Fill out the assessment form and we can see if we are the right fit to work together.

Working With Resistance: Why the force blocking your writing is actually your greatest ally